Happy Halloween!!!

This morning, the boys had their character parade at school. The students can't wear scary costumes, but they can choose a character from a book and dress as that character. They have to carry their book with them in the parade. John-William and Jackson both chose to be knights. John-William has a Magic Treehouse book about knights and was certain he could find one at school for Jackson to borrow. So, they were both knights. Michael was a lion. He walked in the parade with Jackson, but didn't have to carry a book. The kindergarten classes had a pumpkin patch after the character parade and the kids played games, got candy, went on a hayride and then ate hot dogs and played on the playground to burn off all the sugar they had eaten this morning! Michael and I were at the school until after noon today and he enjoyed every minute. He's gotten really comfortable being there now, so he sits with the Jackson and the other kids when books are being read or plays with the blocks or other items that the teachers have in their classrooms. He really enjoyed being outside on the playground with Jackson and the other kids today.

Of course, we went trick-or-treating tongiht, but only to a few houses. We met Tina, Tommy and Trent at my parents' house and the boys got candy there. Then, we went to four houses on our street. We only have seven houses on our street and it's easy to drive by if you don't know it's here, so there aren't usually very many trick-or-treaters that come down this street. But, we have some very kind neighbors who always prepare for our boys and Trent and they make special treats for them. The boys always enjoy going to those houses and seeing what treats are in their bags this year. After that, we went to the Civic Center for the Halloween festivities there. They had moonwalks and games for the kids, hot dogs for dinner and then a candy hunt on the softball fields. They spread thousands of pieces of candy on the outfields and then turn out the lights for the kids to find as much as they can. It becomes a madhouse when those lights go out! The boys all found plenty of candy and each came home with a bag full. And, by the way, more candy is just what I need!! I'm still eating mini bags of M&Ms and miniature Reese's cups left over from John-William's birthday party a couple of weeks ago. Now, I have three bags full of candy!!! Fortunately for me, a lot of the hard candy doesn't appeal to me. I just go for the chocolate! I'm trying to hold back, though. I didn't do a very good job of it today, but I'll start trying again tomorrow. The Civic Center also had a haunted house this year and we went through it tonight. Last night, Adam took John-William and Jackson even though I was worried about how scared they would be. They were brave on the way there and on the way home, but somewhere in between they got scared! Jackson had a really hard time with one scene where there are doctors and body parts and bloody people in the haunted house. From there, he just wanted out. I can't say that I blame him. I knew it was coming and it was still a little spooky. Tonight, Tommy kept Michael and Jackson outside on the playground and Tina, Adam, Trent, John-William and I went through it. They made me lead the group which meant that John-William and Trent were hanging on to me for dear life. At some point, John-William grabbed on to Tina, but that just meant that Trent was pulling on me even harder. He would even start pulling backwards while we were walking and then I had to ease my way through, watching for ghouls and goblins who were jumping out from behind each corner and pull Trent through! I would pull my hands free so that I could check for things around me and push open the next curtain we had to go through and he would just hang on to my waist. At one point, I was trying to pull my right hand out of his grip and he kept hanging on so tight that he broke and bruised my thumbnail! And he went through it last night, too. They say it wasn't as scary tonight because some of the "characters" were busy with other activities going on at the Civic Center. If it wasn't as scary tonight, I can't imagine what Trent was like going through it last night!!

My pictures won't upload right now, so I'll have to try to do it tomorrow. Happy Halloween and good night!

To Kill a Mockingbird

Adam and I attended the final performance of the award-winning To Kill a Mockingbird tonight. It was performed at a state-of-the-art theatre in the area and it was wonderful!! This production travels all over the country and has even performed it in other countries, as well. It lasted over two hours and it was never boring or dull. It truly was a great performance. They choose members of the audience to be the jury and guess what? Adam was chosen. I'm attaching pictures of his jury summons he was given tonight. They aren't great pictures, but that's what happens when you're taking a picture of something lying on a desk with overhead lighting. But, they're too dark without the lights! We had a nice evening and really enjoyed the performance.

Updates available!

There are lots of posts today, as I've tried to update on all the things that have happened in the last 6 weeks. They are in backwards chronological order since I started with the oldest and updated from there. That's how the posts would have been had I been updating all along, so I tried to keep them in order. I am going to try to update a lot more frequently with the things that are going on with us, so make sure you check back often!

Fall Festival

The elementary school had it's annual Fall Festival on Saturday. The Fall Festival is put on by the PTO to generate funds for their projects throughout the school year. Once again, I ran the Bake Sale to benefit the playground fund. My fundraising efforts aren't what they were last year when we raised about $15,000 and built a new playground, but I do continue to try to raise funds to continue to make improvements on the playground. We would still like to put an 8-seat swing set out there for the kids and that takes money. So, I run the Bake Sale and all the money raised there goes into the playground fund. Last year was my first year handling the Bake Sale and we made almost $750. This year, I wasn't as involved in it because of dealing with our loss, but I still "ran" it and we still did well. I had more help this year in organizing it and in working the tent on Saturday as well. So far, we've made about $560 for the playground and we have the potential to make a little more as there are still some cookies and goodies at the school and we are hoping that the teachers are buying some of those.

The boys had a great day on Saturday at the Fall Festival. Ninny and PawPaw were there for a while and they walked around and did activities with the kids. The boys all had their hair painted crazy colors and then played Go Fish and guess what? They all came home with a goldfish! Just like last year!! Oh well, goldfish aren't too much work. Grandma and Grandpa came to the Fall Festival, too, and they also walked around with the boys and then bought funnel cake. Yum! My mom also made her famous coconut cake for the Bake Sale and Barbara made coconut cream pie and pecan pie. All those items sold easily. I am so thankful to have family nearby and that they are willing to help with the kids and anything else we ask for!

Post-Op Checkup

Last Friday, we had our post-op checkup with my OB. Even though we knew we weren't going to get any new results from the genetic testing, I was looking forward to what she had to say. I had questions to ask her to try to get information about where to go from here. Let me say that she is very understanding and has a wonderful bedside manner. She's a real person and will show her feelings. That's a great quality for a good doctor. However, she is a bit of a "fast talker" (if you're a Seinfeld fan, you know what I'm talking about) and Adam has a hard time keeping up with what she's saying. Especially when we were discussing technical terms like antiphospholipid anitbodies and the LAC antibody (that's the blood clotting disorder I have). I have to make sure I'm paying attention to everything she says, but I can usually follow her without any problems. Anyway, we discussed the fact that I want to seek a second opinion from another specialist to either confirm or contradict what our existing specialist says. She said she totally agreed with that and gave a wonderful referral for the doctor that I had already chosen. In searching online and through friends, I have gotten two great reviews from this doctor's patients and now three great reviews from other doctors. That tells me I've made the right choice for a second opinion and possible "new" specialist. This doctor is an RE, a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Our current specialist that we've been seeing is an ART doctor, which is Assisted Reproductive Technology. Most of his patients have difficulty achieving pregnancy. Since that hasn't been my issue, I don't always fall under the standard plan for what his patients need. However, he has tried to push us towards that standard plan even though we didn't feel like it was what we needed. I didn't let him push me into anything that I didn't want or need, but I felt the pressure from his office. However, since he is the specialist and also came highly recommended (in fact, most of the online referrals I got were for his clinic) and it was the testing that he performed that revealed the LAC antibody, I stayed with him for treatment. Anyway, my OB said that the new RE would be better able to give me the answers that I'm looking for than she is. I knew that she wouldn't be able to give me a lot of answers about the antibodies and such because she isn't a specialist. She's a regular OB/GYN and when her patients need specialty care, she sends them to someone who can provide it. We had a good checkup, though, and I am looking forward to the consult with the new RE. We did discuss the test results, or lack of, and she said that sometimes infections just occur. She used to work in a lab and said that she's seen doctors work on something for months, taking diligent measures to be careful and sterile and still come in one morning to infected tissue that had to be thrown away and start all over again. She said that this happens sometimes with amniocentesis tests, also. I had never heard of that before, but she's known of it happening. Then, the parents are left with the fact that they risked their pregnancy to get the tests and then nothing could be done. I am still sad that we could not find out what caused our loss, but I know there must be another plan for me. Maybe the results would caused me to make a decision that isn't the best one?

One thing that did impress me about my OB is that when we were discussing the second opinion, she asked if I had requested my records from my ART doctor's office. I told her that I had not because I'm not sure what I'm going to do and should I decide not to leave his care, I don't want there to be a strain there. Really and truly, I don't want them to know that I'm seeking a second opinion because I don't want it to influence anything we're told. So, since my ART doctor had not included a full listing of all the tests that were done on me initially, she offered to request them for me. As my doctor, it's totally normal for her to want those, she said. So, she sent the request to his office and then will make those records available to me. Once again, she went out of her way to assist me. I'm so glad that I was fortunate enough to find this practice ten years ago (thanks Tammy!) and to still be there today.

A little getaway

Last week, Adam and I were able to go to Atlanta for a couple of days. We got there Monday evening and had dinner with Adam's Uncle Mike and Aunt Kathy. We've never had a dinner with just them, so it was very nice to just sit there and talk. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the family dinners with everyone there, too, but we'd never had time with them alone before. Adam had a conference to attend on Tuesday, so I got to sleep in (much needed!) and then we went to the mall and dinner later that day. On Wednesday, we headed home to get the boys. It was a short trip, but it was a very nice getaway and nice to have a little down time.

John-William's Birthday

On Thursday, October 12th, John-William turned 8. My mom (Ninny), Michael and I went to the school and had lunch with John-William. That afternoon, Michael and I took cupcakes to John-William's classroom for snack time. John-William chose a Scooby Doo theme for his party, so we took a cupcake cake (24 cupcakes) that were spray painted orange and had a Mystery Mobile and Shaggy on them. The kids really enjoyed the cupcakes and John-William was very happy that we had been there. That evening, Adam and I were supposed to have a dinner to attend but he had something else come up, so I was able to cook a nice dinner at home and enjoy the whole evening with the birthday boy. On Saturday, October 14th, we had John-William's birthday party in the park. With all that we've been dealing with, I just wasn't up to having everyone here for the party. So, we booked a pavilion and had his party in the park. The weather was perfect -- the temperature was in the low 70s and it was beautiful and sunny. Unfortunately, some of John-William's friends had a virus and weren't able to make it to the party. But, one classmate who is also a good friend of John-William's was there and his cousins Trent and Grady were there. Christian and Autumn were not able to be there because of illness. We missed them but were able to enjoy the party even without them there. We had cake, ice cream, chips and dip and a few other things and John-William opened lots of nice gifts before going to the playground. He received very thoughtful gifts and even some Auburn stuff (yuck!) and he loved everything. After that, we went to the playground and everyone had a nice afternoon being outside and letting the kids play. It was a very nice day.

Test Results

On Tuesday, October 10th, I called my OB's office to find out if any of our test results had come back from my surgery. I really wasn't expecting the chromosome analysis to be back yet, but I was hoping that the pathology tests were back and I could find out what the results were and exactly what they test for. To my surprise, the chromosome results had come back that day, but there were no results. The sample that was sent to UAB was "contaminated" the report said and no testing could be done. I was heartbroken and sat here crying as I talked to the nurse. She didn't know exactly what that meant, so she talked to my OB and called me back. They didn't know exactly what happened, but my OB was assuming that the sample had developed an infection because the report said, "in spite of treatment with antibiotics and antimicotics" the tests could not be done. My OB said that anything that is made up of cells that divide and grow (tissue) can develop an infection and sometimes that just happens. I was devastated because I was counting on those results to help us to know where we should go from here. See, if the results showed that the baby had a chromosomal defect then that would mean that it would not be likely to happen again. However, if the loss was caused by my blood clotting disorder, then it could happen again. And, I was hoping to find out what happened so we would have some help in deciding what to do. I really want to complete our family with another child, but I can't stand the thought of losing another one in trying to do so. So, test results would have been helpful. However, we will not get any results and now we have to talk to doctors and make an uninformed, or not as informed, decision on our own.

I have more info to add to this with later posts. I'm trying to update in chronological order, though, so it will be in a post about my doctor's appointments.

Open House letter

I'm not sure what's going on with Blogger right now, but it's acting weird and wouldn't let me post the picture of the letter from Open House. So, I'm going to try again and then take a break. I'll do more updates later.

Crazy hair and Open House

During Homecoming Week, the schools have different dress up days such as pajama day, twin day, crazy sock day, etc. John-William and Jackson spent a lot of time planning for Crazy Hair Day that Monday. They made a special trip to Wal-Mart with Adam on Sunday night to get colored hair spray and to plan how they were going to wear their hair. They both ended up with pretty crazy hair!! We also had Open House at the boys' school that week. The kindergarten had their Open House the week before and we didn't get to go because Adam and I had another function to attend. That was the first school event I've missed and I was very sad about it. But, my sister Tina did take the boys and they got to participate. We visited Jackson's room during the regular Open House, but they didn't have everything still decorated. There was still artwork up and such, but not quite as much as there had been for their Open House. In John-William's room, I was able to get a picture of a letter he wrote to me when school started.

Superguy's Birthday Party

Even though it was a week later than originally planned, we had Michael's 4th birthday party on September 16th. He had a Madagascar themed party and it was a really nice time with lots of family and friends here. He got lots of nice gifts and had a really good time playing outside with all of his cousins. We enjoyed sitting out on the patio and watching all the boys play. We had Trent, Christian and Grady here along with, of course, John-William, Jackson and Michael. Baby Autumn was here, too, but she was playing in the yard yet.

Football and viruses

Well, Adam came home early from Germany and that's good because he was able to get a good night's rest before having to do the football game on Friday night. I had been worried because he was originally scheduled to get in around 3:30 on Friday afternoon and then try to come home and see all of us for a few minutes and then go broadcast the ballgame that evening. And that's after travelling for 18 hours to make it home! By coming home on Thursday, he was able to get some sleep and then do his Friday activities. Gigi, Jack and I took the boys to ballgame that night and watched and listened from the press box. If you've never heard Adam call a game on the radio, you really should listen in. It gets quite exciting!! He loves his team and is completely into the game while it's being played. However, when Gigi and Jack took the boys to dinner that evening, Michael started acting different than his normal, happy self and wouldn't eat or talk to anyone during dinner. At the game, it became very apparent that he was not feeling well. He climbed into my lap and fell asleep!! Around 7:30 at night, in the press box with his daddy getting loud and excited and with people coming and going, he fell asleep. He also started running a fever and when we got home that night it was around 103. Needless to say, we knew we couldn't have his birthday party the next day. Especially after we were up during the night with him throwing up! John-William had been sick a few days earlier, but we didn't think it was the same thing since the symptoms were a little different. However, it seems that it was the same virus as Jackson got it on Sunday night. Poor Gigi and Jack -- they were here for a visit and then all the kids got sick and they were exposed. I don't think any of the adults caught it, but it did take away from the weekend. We ended up spending most of the weekend in and that was okay because we got to spend lots of time together and the boys were able to just play and have a good time with Gigi and Jack.

Grandparents' Day

I know this info is late, but I'm trying to get caught up on all the things I've missed in the last few weeks. On September 7th, Gigi (Adam's mom) and Jack (her friend and a very sweet man) came for a visit. That same evening, Adam surprised us by coming home from Germany a day early. He didn't even call to say he would be early, I just looked outside and saw him drive in. Needless to say, we were all excited that he was home early. The very next day was Grandparents' Day at the boys' school and Gigi and Jack were here for that! Believe it or not, the boys had all 6 of their grandparents there!! I don't know if any other children had that many grandparents with them, but we all agreed that John-William and Jackson should have gotten some kind of award for the most grandparents!! Grandma and Grandpa (Adam's dad and stepmom) were there first, then Ninny (my mom) arrived and Gigi and Jack got there with John-William and Jackson. PawPaw, my dad, even made it in off the train in time, which he didn't think would happen. The school served bagels, muffins, doughnuts and juice and there was a very good turnout -- over 400 people were served! The boys really loved having their grandparents with them for breakfast that morning and I'm so glad that they were all able to be there.

A sad update

Well, I've really been dreading this post, so that's why I haven't done it yet. I haven't been on to update in a while for various reasons. I have happy updates to give -- our visit with Gigi and Jack, Michael's birthday and party, helping with the boys' classes at school, etc. However, all of those posts have been overshadowed by this one. I didn't take the time to update after of those things occurred and then, I couldn't update after we got our sad news. On Thursday, September 28th we went to the OB for our 12-week checkup. The doctor tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat with a doppler and we couldn't hear it. This isn't uncommon at 12 weeks because it's still in the early stages of being able to hear the baby's heartbeat. We went for an ultrasound, just to check. I didn't have a good feeling and I told Adam that. She used the external wand to check on the baby and we couldn't see a heartbeat. She didn't say anything at first, but I knew what I was seeing. She then did an internal ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. She turned on the sound, just to be sure we couldn't hear it. There was no heartbeat. She did measurements of the baby and he/she only measured 8 weeks, 5 days. So, after having a few minutes to cry and then try to pull ourselves together, we went into her office and discussed our options. We decided to have a D&C done so that we could have genetic testing done to try to determine the case of this loss and also to prevent what could have been a dangerous episode for me. Because I was 12 weeks pregnant (my body was still producing hormones and the gestational sac was still growing, even though the baby wasn't), my doctor was afraid that if I miscarried on my own I could have heavy hemorrhaging and end up in the ER for an emergency D&C. I certainly didn't want to risk that, but most importantly I want to find out what happened to the baby. Since we were having special testing done on the baby, in addition to the regular pathology tests done during a D&C, we had to wait until Monday for the D&C. That made for a very long weekend! Before the surgery, I requested one more ultrasound just to ease my mind. My doctor obliged and came down from her office and patients to do one more ultrasound for us. Unfortunately, nothing had changed. She got the wand in a good position on my stomach and held it there for a short while so we could watch for a heartbeat, but there was nothing. She also measured the baby again and once again, he/she was only 8 weeks, 5 days. She did say those measurements don't necessarily mean that is the exact day that the baby died. It could be that the baby lived longer than that, but over time had started "deteriorating" (she put that as delicately as she could). I had the D&C on Monday and it went well, considering. She was able to collect the tissue to be sent to UAB for genetic testing and also for the regular pathology tests. I did bleed a little more than they expected (she told Adam I lost about "2 Coke cans" of blood, which is about a pint and a half), but they got it under control with Methergine and there were no problems after that. I came home that afternoon and have been doing pretty well since then, considering I came home no longer pregnant because I lost my baby. We haven't gotten the test results yet, but I will update with those as soon as I do. I've spent the last 10 days adjusting to the fact that our baby died and that I am not going to be holding a new baby in my arms in late March like I had planned. That's a very difficult realization to accept. I do hope to have another baby one day. Right now, though, we have to focus on the physical and emotional healing and find out what, if anything, the test results show. Once we receive the results, we will decide what we are going to do. For now, I just have thoughts running through my mind of either having another baby or accepting the fact that Michael, our four-year-old, might be my last baby.

Edited to add: I've tried and tried to post a banner that says, "Remembering Our Babies October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" but the blogger won't upload the banner. So, for now, I'd like to make you aware that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. For more information, visit www.october15th.com.